Thursday, January 22, 2009

The waste of space that is American Idol

Ok. Let's be honest. Is there anything actually worse than American Idol? Now, I understand this is a family show and with the likes of Rock of Love and Nip/Tuck on TV, it's hard to find fun time programming for the little ones. However, this show is just terrible. And This Girl, is about to tell you why.

First off, it's humiliating to all those poor souls who think that they really can sing Edwin McCain songs better than the man himself. If I have to hear 'I'll Be' one more time, I'm going to start convulsing and spouting off lines from Dawson's Creek. There are some fools on the show who try to get their 15 minutes of William Hung fame by pretending that they are trying to sing, all the while knowing that Bananas the Chimp from the zoo has a better chance of making the show. But for arguments sake, let's say that the poor kid actually thinks that just because you know all the words it automatically makes you a good singer is seriously trying out. Do they have to show it on prime time? Is this what good TV is in today's world? Watching three, now four, judges curl the upper lip and use the word atrocious in every other sentence is not real. It's a cop out for those who have brains.

So when it gets announced that the Mariah Carey wannabe is going to Hollywood, nothing short of an epileptic seizure happens. The shaking, crying, foaming at the mouth...and now enough about the parents reactions, the kids are pretty excited, too! They have to know that they are getting makeovers on the show because no one in their right mind would show up for an audition with blue hair, a shirt with shoulder pads, leg/arm/wrist or any other kind of warmer, and furry boots. I'm sorry but it just wouldn't happen. Did they not get the 'it's proper to look professional' memo? I mean come on, do you really think you'll be taken seriously with a t-shirt that says 'Simon I will be Forever Your Girl' on it? The correct answer for any of those who have lost brain cells due to watching the show, is no.

Now we get to Hollywood, and all the choreographed riff raff start scrambling around the stage and trying to find out which is their better angle for TV. It doesn't really matter in the end because 9/10 of the contestants will get up there and sing their heart out, only to be told it was 'pitchy'. Whatever the hell that is. Nevertheless, it has ended up in modern day vernacular along with 'bootylicious'. I will tell you right now how every episode is going to go. Simon won't smile, Paula won't STOP smiling, Randy won't ever look directly at the contestant, and the new girl, well, she might just get fired for being worthless. After a few months of this endless cycle, the group is narrowed down to two singers. One is usually some crooner that the moms love, and the other is a wanna be pop sensation that the kids love. It never really matters who wins because both will get a record deal and the grand prize might as well be null and void.

Before you start throwing sharp objects my way, I'm not saying there aren't talented individuals to come from American Idol. Daughtry is pretty much a solid rock star with real talent, Jordin Sparks seems to be the real deal, and Leona Lewis who won Britain's version Pop Idol is a knockout sensation. I mean come on, have you heard her version of Run by Snow Patrol? It is the only remake from a pop star that I can say even competes with the perfection of the original. If you don't believe me then look up the live performance of the song on youtube, the one she did on Pop Idol. It will bring you to tears. But all in all, where have all the other great voices of our time(aka: Rueben Studdard, Fantasia, the grey haired one) gone? They wafted away on a cloud wondering how it's possible that Bo Bice made more money than them.

American Idol is mindless television at it's best. There is no substance and the only saving grace is that it introduces songs to a whole new genre of young music lovers, enticing them to look up the original on iTunes and decide that it's way better than what David Cook did on last night's episode. Stations would be better off going back to old school talent shows like Star Search, where the talent is pre-screened before hitting the stage. Please don't make us suffer anymore.

There is a reason I haven't even touched on Ryan Seacrest. I can't think about him for more than a minute and a half without throwing something and I happen to like my laptop.

And for the haters who want to know why such an Anti-American Idol fan knows all the names to contestants? My mom watches the show. So there.


But that's just This Girl talking...

1 comment:

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